12 Days of Christmas
by lovelyrutabagas
Summary: The 12 days of Christmas with Kon being woefully unprepared to deal with birds and Tim being way too free with his cash.


_On the first day of Christmas  
_ _My true love gave to me  
_ _A partridge in a pear tree_

Kon stared at the tree in his kitchenette, and then at the little brown bird hopping about on his countertop, and then at the note on the floor. Crisp white, and folded carefully, he thought for a moment it might have been from Kal-El before his brain caught up to his fantasies and reminded him that they had another fight.

One that, from the ache in his knuckles and jaw, would not have been forgiven so quickly. That left his team, and from there he could narrow it down easily.

Bart was out; the boy was too absent-minded to run through his apartment without shuffling a few things around on accident, and the present was too well-preserved. This also took out Cassie, who still didn't know her own strength and sometimes crushed things without a thought; the bird would have been safe, but the tree? She would have smashed it, easily.

Steph was out, too. She'd already told Kon who she had for Secret Santa, and it wasn't him. It was Tim, and hadn't that revelation made him burn with envy? It was a closely kept secret that Kon had a massive crush on his best friend of seven years. Ever since Tim was just Robin, the Boy Wonder, and Kon was just the failed clone boy.

Tim was out of his league, and it was for that reason that Kon struck him from the list of potential suspects.

That left him with Gar and M'gann, either one capable of such a… extravagant gift.

Kon didn't bother reading the note, since it likely contained instructions on how to care for the pair. He could just look that stuff up later, when he was done cleaning up after the stupid little bird.

 _On the second day of Christmas  
My true love gave to me  
Two turtle doves_

"Fuck this."

Kon had left his apartment last night, fully expecting a mess from the dumb little bird he'd decided to name Perry, and instead found two new birds in its place. Two white birds that were currently pecking the shit out of each other.

"Who the fuck thought this shit was Christmas-y?" Kon was beyond frustrated, because now, now he had to go back out to the store, find two new cages for the little turds, and clean up after the pair. There was another option, which was to take them to a shelter, or Gar, and let them handle the trio of smelly birds.

But, something made him pause before he'd even finished pulling out his phone to call Gar. Whoever was sending him the animals, well, they must have thought he could handle it, right? Otherwise they wouldn't have even tried it. Right?

They left another note, which Kon decided to ignore, again, and he watered his tree, fed his birds, and named the two additions Don and Dawn. He had no idea whether they were male or female, but Kon figured it didn't really matter, since they were birds and probably didn't understand what gender even was.

 _Woah, way too deep a thought for Christmas,_ Kon thought to himself as he worked. Still, it was kinda nice to have some pets that weren't half his size and wanted to slobber all over him.

 _On the third day of Christmas  
My true love gave to me  
Three French hens_

Kon took it back.

He hated whoever had this much faith in his bird-wrangling skills.

He hated the number of, of, _chickens_ running around his apartment and _shitting_ everywhere.

Whoever Kon's Secret Santa was hated him; no one who loved him, or even tolerated him would have done this. The three fluffy-feathered bastards started to peck at his white walls and Kon had to drop his bags, of more bird purchases because apparently birds were complex little shits who needed as much attention as a human baby, and carry each one of the overgrown birds into his bathroom.

Where they proceeded to jump and fly around as much as they could in the small space and try to kill him. As if; it wasn't like they had kryptonite built into their beaks and claws, though at this point it wouldn't surprise him if they did.

His phone rang then, the Pink Panther tune rolling out and revealing who the caller was before he'd even looked at the ID.

Tim, of course. The guy just had to call when Kon was in the middle of a crisis. He still answered though, his curt, "What," doing nothing to disguise the warmth in his voice. Every second of a phone call with Tim was worth the hassle of wrangling a few birds back into the tub with one hand.

"Caught you at a bad time, man?" Tim sounded exhausted, like he'd spent the last three days awake on nothing but caffeine and sheer force of will. He probably did just that.

"Nah," Kon grunted, shaking his foot wildly when one of the chickens latched onto his laces. "I'm just, chillin' here at home." It came off when a loud squawk, and he winced. "…What about you?"

"What, was that a- Was that a French Hen?" Tim asked him. Kon thought his brain might explode from the sound coming from Tim, a breathy voice that was definitely not his normal. It snapped him out of his daze.

Flushed and finally gently shoving the last chicken- French Hen- into his bathroom, Kon closed and locked the door. He walked past his other birds, who tittered at him curiously, and he shrugged at their unspoken question.

"Uh, yeah, but don't worry about them, I can handle it. What about you, man? You sound a little… off." Kon ran a hand through his hair, dark curls bouncing back within moments of him removing his hand, and grimaced at the silence on the other end. Quiet Tim was never a good sign; it usually meant they had a mission without him, or he was delivering bad news.

"Off?" Tim chuckled a little, and then coughed away from his phone, "Sorry, yeah, you're right, I think I'm getting sick." He cleared his throat, and Kon straightened his back automatically before flushing in embarrassment; it just wasn't fair for Tim to look the way he did but act like Batman at the drop of a hat.

"What's up with the birds?"

"Oh, um. Secret Santa." Kon forced a laugh and continued. "I don't think my Santa likes me that much, though. All they've done is give me birds that shit all over my apartment, and nothing else. Well, they did give me a pear tree, too, so there is that."

Dead silence.

"You there, buddy? What'd your Santa get you?" It wasn't Christmas yet, but Kon had no doubt in his mind that Tim knew who his Secret Santa was and what she'd given him.

"You don't like your gifts?" There was an odd note in Tim's voice, like he was trying to hide something and was just barely managing it.

Still…

"I like them, don't get me wrong, but I've heard the song, and I've got more birds in my future, and my apartments starting to smell. Plus, they really don't like me for some reason."

"Oh."

"You good-?"

"Yeah, I gotta go. Love you, man."

"Love you-" Beeping. "-too."

 _On the fourth day of Christmas  
My true love gave to me  
Four calling birds_

Kon stepped into his apartment warily, waiting for the new birds to attack him. He stood in the doorway for a moment and waited.

One minute. Nothing.

Three minutes. Also nothing.

At the seven minute mark, Kon acknowledged the fact that there were no new birds to call his own. He did _not_ feel disappointed by this. The less birds in his space, the better.

Perry twittered from his top perch in his cage, and Kon grinned tiredly at him. "Hey there, pretty birdy," he cooed.

Perry gnawed on his cage bars in response.

"Yeah, I feel you, Perry."

Kon sauntered into his kitchenette, bypassing Don and Dawn asleep in their joint cages, and froze upon seeing the package on top of his microwave. Wrapped up in grey wrapping paper, they revealed four blue-silver pins in the shape of birds mid-song. They were fancy, and cute, and made his chest hurt because he knew that he'd seen them in Tim's room almost two weeks ago and Tim had covered them up in a panic.

But, that didn't mean anything, did it? Tim could have had them made for Kon's Secret Santa, it wasn't _that_ out of character for him.

Right?

 _On the fifth day of Christmas  
My true love gave to me  
Five golden rings_

He was at his wits end.

M'gann wouldn't stop giving him funny looks and Gar wouldn't let him ask any questions about his birds. Bart was snacking and watching TV in the Cave's living room, and Steph and Cassie were sitting on either side of him, holding hands behind his messy red hair.

Tim was nowhere to be seen, pushing Kon to explain away the almost disappointed stutter in his chest due to exposure from M'gann's cooking.

Oh, and there was a locked box with his name on it underneath the communal tree in the living room. The only problem was how to get to it without drawing attention to himself.

Kon spent a few minutes thinking about it and had just decided to chuck a pillow at Gar's head when his salvation came in the form of Tim in his Red Robin uniform. Honestly, Kon could have kissed him in that moment, for he had given him the best distraction of all.

A mission.

Kon gave an internal cheer as his team got up quickly and began prepping for the mission. Kon was already dressed, and he leaped over the couch to grab for his present only to find it gone. His first thought was M'gann, but then he heard the whoosh of a cape and knew that Tim had gotten to it somehow.

Kon eyed his friend nervously; Tim was holding the box awkwardly, nervously, as if he knew what was inside of it. Stepping quickly over to him, Kon reached for the box with careful fingers, prying it from Tim's tight grasp.

"All right there, Red?" Kon asked, only half joking.

Tim blinked at his hands, not answering Kon, and he gripped the box tighter in his worry. only a second later did he remember his super strength, and it was with a heavy heart that he looked away from Tim and then down that he saw his… still square gift?

He quirked a brow in response, and ignored the way Tim was eyeballing his box.

"Pretty cool, right?" Tim commented. When Kon shot him a look, Tim smoothly added, "C'mon, man; you're still holding onto it pretty tightly."

"Who's it from, by the way? Any name; a note?"

Kon loosened his grip even more, and the box rested in his hands. He hadn't been paying attention to the details, but now he looked over the box quickly.

Plain white paper, decorated with glittery snowflakes, and a golden bow tied on the side. Kon used his x-ray vision and felt only the barest hint of surprise at the lack of an object. He shook his head at Tim's question.

"Nah. Nothing that I can see from the outside," he said, turning the box over in his hands.

"Open it."

"M'gann will kill me," Kon didn't bother hiding his fear; the Martian could be downright terrifying when she wanted to be, and when it came to the holidays… Well, it was better to be safe than sorry.

Tim hummed. "I'll open it then."

And without any hesitation, Tim tugged the bow off the box, and cut open the wrapping paper, and opened the box, revealing a mess of tissue paper. All of this was done with Kon still holding onto the box. He was, understandably, upset.

"Dude, what the hell? I told you what M'gann—!" Whatever he was about to say next was lost, as while Kon had begun speaking Tim had reached in and pulled out the gift within.

"Holy shit."

In Tim's gloved hands were five gleaming, golden rings. Each one large enough to fit his thumb, and none of his other fingers.

Tim cleared his throat, and Kon jolted, his blue eyes meeting Tim's masked ones, and there was something there… His chest felt tight, and he swallowed thickly, a slight pink flush rising to his cheeks; Tim's outward appearance hadn't changed, but Kon could hear his heart thumping madly from within his ribcage. The moment stretched on for a minute, then two, then three.

Tim's ears were burning; Kon's face was on fire.

"What, ahem, what do you think of your gift?"

Kon ran a hand through his hair, "I like 'em." And then he grinned at Tim, and Tim twitched before grinning back.

 _On the sixth day of Christmas  
My true love gave to me  
Six geese-a-laying_

"This is a fucked up song."

Steph rolled her eyes. "It's supposed to romantic or some shit; dunno why all the birds, though."

"So they can shit everywhere and tear up my apartment?" Kon groused, leaning as far back in his chair as he dared. He may have been superhuman, but the heart-stopping panic from toppling ass over head from an imbalanced chair was the last thing he needed today. He glared at the geese strutting about in their own little pen; separate from the other birds because Kon knew that geese were evil, evil creatures that refused to play well with others.

Even if they were babies. Hatchlings. Birdies- Whatever the fuck little geese were called, they were it and they were downright adorable. Still evil though.

Steph punched his shoulder, grabbing his attention.

"Ow." He deadpanned.

Steph just laughed and said, "Just admit it, you like all the gifts you're getting." She waggled her brows comically, and Kon resisted the urge to bury his face in his hands.

"Steph… Fuck you."

"Wrong Robin, Superboy," she teased.

Kon didn't bother resisting the urge after that.

 _On the seventh day of Christmas  
My true love gave to me  
Seven swans-a-swimming_

"…Hello?"

Kon bit back a grimace, and chose his next words carefully. "Hey, Kal-El, it's me. Um, Kon."

Silence. Kon couldn't even hear breathing on the other end of the phone, but at least he hadn't been rejected right off the bat. It was an improvement.

"Listen, I, uh, need a little help… with some birds." He refused to admit they were a Christmas gift, possibly from his best friend/ crush. Just the thought of Tim leaving him gifts made him flush, though not all of it was from happiness.

His bed was still a fucking mess from his pack of baby geese, all of whom Kon had decided to name after the alphabet. A and C were still fluttering atop his ruined sheets, while the rest of them cuddled up near each other.

Don and Dawn still made a racket whenever he closed the door to the bathroom, regardless of if he was even using it, and Perry enjoyed waking him up at the ass-crack of dawn, just for the hell of it.

So yeah. He needed a little help.

"…Birds?" Kal sounded amused, and Kon could just picture his stupid smirk stretching across his face by the second.

"Ugh, nevermind, sorry for bothering you."

"Wait! Kon, hold on," Kal said quickly. "I'm sorry, too. For being an ass." Did Kon's ears deceive him, or did Kal really sound regretful?

No way was he going to miss an opportunity like this. "And?" He prompted.

"And for punching you after your day with Jon." Ok, not so regretful on that part, but the rest? Kon whistled lowly, disbelief at the conversation unfolding and at himself for not fucking it up. Perry chose that moment to screech at him from his place in the Pear Tree.

It drew his eyes to his latest gift; seven silver swans hung from the tiny branches with care. He really needed to plant that thing.

"Apology accepted. Now, onto my bird problem…?"

 _On the eighth day of Christmas  
My true love gave to me  
Eight maids-a-milking_

He and Kal had spent yesterday talking civilly for almost twenty minutes. Granted, it was about birds, and Kon was mostly reduced to taking notes while Kal lectured him, but it was the best they'd had recently, and Kon had hung up with a happy heart.

So happy that, he completely ignored the slumbering geese in his bed and slithered in beside them. And when he woke up? It was to a face full of feathers and numerous little bird bills gnawing on his fingers.

Adorable.

Kon had cooed at D, plucked F from the bunch and proceeded to make his rounds around the place. It was still a mess, and no doubt it probably smelt godawful, but he was content. His birds were too, if their peaceful chitters were anything to go by.

So in the zone was he that Kon ended up tripping over a large brown box in the middle of his living room.

Seriously? Did Tim- Ahem, his Secret Santa, never take a break from the whole gift-giving business?

Kon set down F and watched with half an eye as the goose sauntered about. Using his x-ray vision, Kon saw nothing, and moved away the other babies before he opened it. Then he wished he hadn't opened it.

Inside the box were eight fragile-looking toys. None of them resembled the other, but each of them carried a small bottle of milk.

"Eight maids-a-milking, huh?" Kon laughed a little hysterically, because it was one thing to have a bunch of birds at his place, but another thing entirely to have dolls strategically placed around his apartment. Which he was already doing.

Fuck.

 _On the ninth day of Christmas  
My true love gave to me  
Nine ladies dancing_

"Who the fuck let you into my apartment?!"

"Well, it was-"

"Lady, get the fuck out! Now!"

 _On the tenth day of Christmas  
My true love gave to me  
Ten lords-a-leaping_

"Dammit, not again; get the fuck out already!"

 _On the eleventh day of Christmas  
My true love gave to me  
Eleven Pipers Piping_

"Tim?" Kon was still asleep. He was asleep, and he was dreaming that his best friend was still dressed as Red Robin and was leaving him a large suitcase on his kitchen counter.

Tim had frozen, but thawed almost immediately afterward. "This is all a dream," he said soothingly. "Just lay down and go back to sleep and everything'll be perfect in the morning, OK?"

Yeah, no.

Kon was still sleepy, but at least his head had cleared enough for him to connect the dots. His eyebrows rose high and he though to say, confidently, "You're my Secret Santa."

But instead what came out was more like, "Santa?" His voice dumbfounded.

"…No?"

Kon huffed and rose from bed quickly, shirt covered in little nicks and tears from his little bird gang, and looped an arm around Tim's chest, pulling him into a loose, one-armed embrace. Kon was a little taller than Tim was, so he could rest his head on top of Tim's and call it a night, and yet.

He didn't.

Instead, Kon dug his chin into Tim's shoulder, and snickered when Tim coughed and flushed bright red. The suitcase wasn't even closed properly, and Kon was tempted to open it, just barely restraining himself.

"So…" He blew into Tim's ear. And clapped him hard on the back when he started hacking violently. His face was red and his ears were aflame and, Kon was guessing- hoping- that the blush was spreading to the back of his neck.

"Aww, is wittle Timmy embarwussed?" Kon laughed, closing his eyes and turning slightly away as he joked around, thus missing the sudden determined gaze from Tim. He was just about to open his mouth, to deliver more babytalk, when Tim stepped into his space, and kissed him.

Well.

Kissed his cheek. Part of his jaw. Nowhere near Kon's mouth.

But it had gotten the job done; Kon had his mouth wide open, but without a sound escaping him. Tim looked smug, and flushed, and too fucking attractive to handle right now-!

So Kon locked himself in the bathroom, waited for Tim to get lost so that he could open his gift in peace. It hadn't taken long. Just a few more minutes and then Tim was gone.

Kon left his bathroom to find that the suitcase had been emptied, and that his gift was a picture of the team in their Pied Piper costumes, complete with a useless pipe that had been used for… nothing really. Just sort of sat around.

Kind of like the note that rested beside the picture.

Kon picked it up, took a breath, and opened it.

 _On the twelfth day of Christmas  
My true love gave to me  
Twelve drummers drumming_

"TIM, NO!"

"Please? I already paid them to do their routine and—!"

"We're dating, and I've gotten more than enough gifts from you, man; I'm good."

"Fine."

"…They're not leaving, Tim."

"…Prepare to be amazed?"

"You're lucky I'm holding my fucking tree otherwise I'd launch you into the sky."

"Love you, too, man."

 **THE END**

I'm so sorry this took so long ur now allowed to kill me zo


End file.
